New B’nai Mitzvah Family Program:
New community Kol HaLev offers innovative process
“God is in the transitions.” Cliché? Perhaps. What does it mean, anyway? I understand this to mean that we sense something profound and special – yes, holy – in the seams and at the edges of life. At the dawning of a new day or at sunset; at a birth or at a death; in various moments of significant shifts and turning points -- sickness and health or other changes – these are the times when eternity interrupts the temporal, when infinity interrupts the finite.
This is equally true, or potentially true, around coming of age. And it is as significant for parents as it is for their children.
Families – parents as well as children – seem particularly receptive to Jewish learning and identity formation as the age of bar and bat mitzvah approaches for someone in the household. This is true, maybe especially true, even for the so-called “secular” and unaffiliated and disaffected. At such a time, parents (and grandparents) are keenly aware of the ties that bind Jewish generations and the notion of transmission and connection with heritage.
We ritualize these moments to help us navigate them – through the “before, during and after” stages. We tie our own experience to that of those who have gone before us. We become part of something larger than ourselves – a historical narrative or purpose, or perhaps even a transcendent something, of which we are a part. Rites help us organize our lives and make sense of our experience. Order and meaning and perspective are created, usually within the context of relationships. And synagogues are still the institutional focal point for such needs.
For young people – no longer children but not yet adults – the process of becoming a bar or bat mitzvah is a powerful Jewish identity marker. As they mature physically and intellectually, this reflective and skill-building process can be an experience that helps them “locate” themselves in a fast-paced world full of limitless options. Bar and bat mitzvah and Jewish identity offers a kind of “container” for the emerging self – a “bowl” with tangible sides to hold whatever “stew” they may concoct. Confronting questions such as “Who am I?” and “What am I supposed to do?” is exactly the right work of a developing adolescent. Isn’t it fortunate that our tradition provides this pathway? This is precisely the time when young people can begin to receive it and make it their own. This is the time when a family can choose to positively affirm Jewish identity rather than it having been chosen for them.
We have an opportunity to seize and build upon, to solidify a foundation for other involvements in subsequent years. Judaism must be presented and experienced as relevant, worthwhile and rich enough to accommodate the participants as they grow. This is the crucial juncture at which too many families drop off or drop out or pass up altogether as a missed opportunity. It is a time when our rite of passage too often fails to accomplish its potential function of transition, initiation and identity formation.
For many families, the preparation for a bar or bat mitzvah service can be an entry point. Kol HaLev, our new synagogue community. with the support of the Ben and Esther Rosenbloom Foundation, has designed an innovative approach to family learning that includes both pre-teens and their parents, and everyone gains the benefit of group exploration. The participation of the parents (both Jewish and non-Jewish) demonstrates the principle that life-cycle events are meaningful for everyone involved and that everyone stands to gain from Jewish questioning and learning. Such transitions are significant doorways into self-awareness and community belonging.
In addition to the content of our learning – e.g., different maturities; the nature of “identity”; various understandings of the idea of mitzvah; values and behaviors; God and godliness; prayers and the structure of a service; family dynamics – our families form bonds and connections with each other, become part of a Jewish community, and find a place within a tradition that is generous, inclusive and flexible.
How fitting then that Kol HaLev is hosting a public presentation and open conversation with noted writer Arthur Magida, whose latest book is called “Opening the Doors of Wonder.” This book includes interviews with many well-known and influential people of various backgrounds and traditions about their own experiences with coming of age rites of passage. This is relevant for everyone.
Join us for lunch and discussion on Saturday, May 24th, 11:30a.m.-1:00p.m. in the social hall of St. John’s Episcopal Church in Mt. Washington, 1700 South Rd., 21209 (corner of South Rd. and the Kelly Ave. bridge).
For more information, please contact Rabbi Geoff Basik, 443-956-9462.
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