New B'nai Mitzvah Family Program:
New
community Kol HaLev offers innovative process
"God is in the transitions." Cliche? Perhaps. What does it mean,
anyway? I understand this to mean that we sense
something profound and special-yes, holy-in the
seams and at the edges of life. At the dawning of
a new day or at sunset; at a birth or at a death; in various moments of
significant shifts and turning points, sickness and health or other
changes, these are the times when eternity interrupts the temporal,
when infinity interrupts the finite.
This is equally true, or potentially true,
around coming of age. And it is as significant
for parents as it is for their children.
Families, parents as well as children, seem particularly
receptive to Jewish learning and identity formation as the age of bar and bat mitzvah approaches for someone
in the household. This is true, maybe especially
true, even for the so-called "secular"and unaffiliated and
disaffected. At such a time, parents (and
grandparents) are keenly aware of the ties that bind Jewish generations
and the notion of transmission and connection with heritage.
We ritualize these moments to help us navigate them, through
the "before, during and after" stages. We tie our
own experience to that of those who have gone before us.
We become part of something larger than ourselves, a historical
narrative or purpose, or perhaps even a transcendent something, of
which we are a part. Rites help us organize our
lives and make sense of our experience. Order and
meaning and perspective are created, usually within the context of
relationships. And synagogues are still the
institutional focal point for such needs.
For young people, no longer children but not yet adults, the
process of becoming a bar or bat mitzvah
is a powerful Jewish identity marker. As they
mature physically and intellectually, this reflective and skill-building
process can be an experience that helps them "locate" themselves in a
fast-paced world full of limitless options. Bar and bat mitzvah and Jewish identity
offers a kind of "container" for the emerging self, a "bowl" with
tangible sides to hold whatever "stew" they may concoct.
Confronting questions such as "Who am I?" and "What am I
supposed to do?" is exactly the right work of a developing adolescent. Isn't it fortunate that our tradition provides this
pathway?
This is precisely the time when young
people can begin to receive it and make it their own. This is the time when a family can choose to
positively affirm Jewish identity rather than it having been chosen for
them.
We have an opportunity to seize and build upon, to solidify a
foundation for other involvements in subsequent years. Judaism
must be presented and experienced as relevant,
worthwhile and rich enough to accommodate the participants as they grow. This is the crucial juncture at which too many
families drop off or drop out or pass up altogether as a missed
opportunity. It is a time when our rite of
passage too often fails to accomplish its potential function of
transition, initiation and identity formation.
For many families, the preparation for a bar or bat mitzvah service can be an entry point.
Kol HaLev, our new synagogue community. with the
support of the Ben and Esther Rosenbloom Foundation, has designed an
innovative approach to family learning that includes both pre-teens and
their parents, and everyone gains the benefit of group exploration. The participation of the parents (both Jewish and
non-Jewish) demonstrates the principle that life-cycle events are
meaningful for everyone involved and that everyone stands to gain from
Jewish questioning and learning. Such transitions
are significant doorways into self-awareness and community belonging.
In addition to the content of our learning, e.g., different maturities; the nature of "identity"; various
understandings of the idea of mitzvah; values and
behaviors; God and godliness; prayers and the structure of a service;
family dynamics, our families form bonds and connections with each
other, become part of a Jewish community, and find a place within a
tradition that is generous, inclusive and flexible.
For more information, please contact Rabbi
Geoff Basik, 443-956-9462.
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